The Toddler’s ABC Of Football

A’s for Away Fans who shout naughty things,
There’s always a fat man at whom your fans sing!

B is for Burgers, all greasy and yuk,
If you don’t get poisoned it’s just by sheer luck.

C is for Corporates, flash suits and ties,
They sit in glass boxes and never eat pies.

D is for Diving like some players do.
They land with a thud and then roll around too!

E is for Eng-er-land when men with big bellies
Drink cans of lager and shout at their tellys.

F is for Flags on poles, waved very high,
And the man in the front yells you’ve poked out his eye!

G is for Going Down, it’s called relegation,
The fans weep and scream and then shout in frustration.

H is for Half Time, you stand in a queue,
When the second half’s started you’re still in the loo!

I is for Injuries, see players groan,
Then the stretcher comes on and they walk on their own!

J is for Jammy, like some teams in red,
And all their supporters have got a big head.

K is for Kick Off times, made for TV.
In the olden days, matches all started at three!

L is for Losing which makes fans quite cross,
And for Linesmen with whom players argue the toss.

M is for Mascots, all bouncy and funny,
Like a bee or a wolf or a bloody great bunny!

N is for New Grounds, no history behind them,
Stuck miles out from anywhere so you can’t find them!

O is for Offside, a goal disallowed
When the man with the flag disagrees with the crowd!

Q is for Quiet grounds where fans sing no more.
They just clap politely if their team should score.

R is for Referees – fair, firm and kind,
But sometimes supporters suggest that they’re blind!

S is for Sending Off, players get mad,
As the ref waves his card they yell “You’ve got no dad!”

T is for Time Added On at the end
When a manager’s watch becomes his best friend.

U is for Unfair, when referees seem
To be a big fan of the opposite team.

V is for View when the game is a thriller
But you might not see from behind that big pillar!

W’s for words that are not always nice,
Don’t say them in nursery, take my advice!

X is in eXtra time when no goals are scored,
You’ll want to go home cos you’re getting quite bored.

Y is the Youth squad whose players all dream
Of being old rich and foreign just like the first team!

And Z is for Z list, the girls who hang round
To catch all the players when they leave the ground!

@ Carol Wood
July 2009


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Only in Erinsborough Carol Ann’s fun look at the lives and loves of the characters from the Australian soapNeighbours


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