The Rumour Mill

The rumour mill is grinding shit and spreading it around.
The rumour mill with sources close and one ear to the ground.
A lone man in his bedroom with a PC and a dream.
He wants to be a famous man so he’s got himself a scheme.

He’s built a website just for you and incase you haven’t read it
He’ll tweet and Facebook all day long and he wants to take the credit.
The rumour mill is grinding shit and it’s coming your club’s way.
‘In talks’ ‘done deal’ and ‘it’s understood’ are what the rumours say.

They’re closing in on so-and-so, he’s spotted in a bar,
At a Tesco’s checkout, at the beach, or buying another car.
He’s seen from Bruges to Bognor in a hundred new locations.
From airports to the Pound Shop and in obscure railway stations.

And funnily, he’s spotted simultaneously too.
Split into many bodies – do we really think it’s true?
The rumour mill is working hard with not one grain of truth.
He’s on his way, there’s been some row, or it’s time to play the youth.

It’s frantic, frenzied fantasies to get the fans excited.
He’s going here, he’s going there, he’s staying put at United.
Our frazzled brains attempt to cope and the window’s almost done.
It’s like another trophy to be challenged for, and won.

And if your club has failed to capture players you desire,
You’ll have to whinge till January or set the league on fire.
The rumour mill is grinding shit and your Twitter feed’s gone mad,
When you find your rivals struck the deal you thought that your club had.

The rumour mill is driving us to the edge of the abyss,
Our phones on constant news alerts we cannot bear to miss.
And three games in we’re weary of the constant, shitty stuff.
So Que Sera and January comes round quite soon enough!

© Carol Ann Wood
August 2016


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Only in ErinsboroughCarol’s fun look at the lives and loves of the characters from the Australian soapNeighbours


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