Bewitched, Bothered & Bewildered

The poetic ramblings of a die-hard Chelsea supporter
during the head-scratching 2018-19 reign of Maurizio Sarri
.
Image of book cover of The poetic ramblings of a die-hard Chelsea supporter during the head-scratching 2018-19 reign of Maurizio Sarri.
All True Blues will know exactly where they are from this photo…

Click to order.


I had intended to make this an exact sequel to my first Chelsea poetry collection, Rhyme & Treason, (2015/16) producing a poem for every game of the season. However, as 2018-19 progressed, I could see that this was possibly over-ambitious. This time round, we had European football, and also made it to the Carabao Cup Final. So, in Bewitched, Bothered & Bewildered, you will see a poem for every league game, plus a selection of cup games, and a few musings on topical issues in between.

It’s arguably been the strangest season in my 48 years of support. Some will still claim that, despite the bad defeats, we can count it as a moderate success. A third place finish and a Europa League trophy is more than some club’s fans can ever dream of. The strangeness, though, mostly came from social media. How did Maurizio Sarri amass a cult following who continually attacked match-going fans on Twitter and accused them all of being ‘alcoholic yer dars’? (Say, what?) And, ultimately, they blamed us for Sarri’s departure – the first manager to leave of his own volition since Glenn Hoddle. I can only hope they move on to Juventus with him, because they won’t be missed!

As with Rhyme & Treason, fellow fans will identify with my verse. You might not share all my views. But real football supporters understand that you don’t have to agree on everything to identify with the raw emotion of following your club.

Often bothered, sometimes bewildered. But, always bewitched.

From independent publisher, Gate17, Bewitched, Bothered & Bewildered is available in paperback and Kindle editions. Click to order.

Bewitched, Bothered & Bewildered is also available on the CFCUK stall, opposite the Fulham Broadway tube station exit.


If you enjoy Bewitched, Bothered & Bewildered, why not recall the roller-coaster ride which was the 2015-2016 season in Rhyme and Treason: Chelsea 2015-2016 a season in verse.

Click here to learn more about Rhyme and Treason. Click here to order in paperback or Kindle editions.


Links:
My bespoke poetry service, Diverse Verse
About the author
Contact the author, or follow this blog
Follow Carol Ann Wood on Twitter
NOT Just Saying: Carol’s comments on feminism, fashion, food and folly
Only in Erinsborough Carol Ann’s fun look at the lives and loves of the characters from the Australian soapNeighbours


Index of Posts:


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Georgie Porgie

Georgie Porgie, my oh my.
Dissed the birds to make them cry.
Thinks he’s smart and thinks he’s witty.
Posts a lot of arse and titty.

See him have a laugh on Twitter.
If you don’t like it, you’re just bitter.
For he is the king of spiel,
Gives no fucks, girls, how you feel.

Georgie Porgie, what a guy,
Disses birds to make them cry.
Says it’s banter, no harm done.
Just a nice bloke having fun.

Cos everybody knows it’s cool
Subjecting birds to ridicule.
It’s not his fault they might object.
Well, they’re birds, mate, what can you expect!

Georgie Porgie, sweet as pie,
Disses birds to make them cry,
But loves the ones who laugh along.
So he feels, powerful, big and strong.

Well, Georgie, mate, I will not play.
And no, it’s Fucking Not Okay.
So piss right off, you first class runt.
If I liked you more, I’d call you cunt.

Your words have power, but mine do too
I’d watch my back if I were you.
Georgie Porgie, you I thank,
You pathetic nasty piece of wank.

As a poet of the spoken word,
I have a voice that’s widely heard.
So come and see, when I next perform.
Misogynists’ poems go down a storm.

You thought I was some mad old gran.
Well, think again you sad, weak man.
Now run along, Wee Willy Winkie,
Never try and pick on Pinky!

© Carol Ann Wood
June 2019


Links:
My bespoke poetry service, Diverse Verse
About the author
Contact the author, or follow this blog
Follow Carol Ann Wood on Twitter
NOT Just Saying: Carol’s comments on feminism, fashion, food and folly
Only in Erinsborough Carol Ann’s fun look at the lives and loves of the characters from the Australian soapNeighbours


Index of Posts:


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Shirt Man: Sign Of the Times

And all to make themselves look big
‘I beg, therefore I am.’

For clarification: I am not against players gifting shirts per se. I have one much-treasured match-worn shirt myself. But when individuals describe themselves as ‘shirt collectors’ and their signs are getting bigger by the game, I believe it’s gone too far. Their greed has not gone unnoticed.


He must get Toni Rüdiger’s,
He must get Hazard’s too.
He must get every match worn shirt
That’s worn by those in blue.

He doesn’t care who he might shove,
He’s like a battering ram.
He holds aloft his home made signs
Then boasts on Instagram.

You’ll see folk like him after games,
They chase the players’ cars.
They hunt them down near restaurants,
The training ground, and bars.

If shirt man doesn’t get his prize,
He’ll yell and shout some more.
With his cornflake packet held aloft,
It’s what he’s living for.

The players sometimes drive on by
But he will not relent.
A shirt’s his status symbol
And he thinks it’s time well spent.

If stewards scold, he simply throws
His sign out of his pram.
For he is shirt man, King Of Greed,
And he boasts on instagram.

And shirt man says we’re jealous
Just because he gets the most.
But some of us support the team
With no desire to boast.

What happened to the sport we love
Where grown men feel no shame
In snatching prized material
From children at the game?

And all to make themselves look big
‘I beg, therefore I am.’
A sad, sad sign of modern times
As they boast on Instagram.


© Carol Ann Wood
May 2019


This poem is part of the collection Bewitched, Bothered & Bewildered:
The poetic ramblings of a die-hard Chelsea supporter during the head-scratching 2018-19 reign of Maurizio Sarri
.

Click here to learn more. Click here to order in paperback or Kindle editions.


Links:
My bespoke poetry service, Diverse Verse
About the author
Contact the author, or follow this blog
Follow Carol Ann Wood on Twitter
NOT Just Saying: Carol’s comments on feminism, fashion, food and folly
Only in Erinsborough Carol Ann’s fun look at the lives and loves of the characters from the Australian soapNeighbours


Index of Posts:


Please note that any advertisements which appear associated with these posts are placed there by a WordPress algorithm. They are not indicative of any endorsement by the author.


Anthem For Doomed Yoof

With sincere apologies to Wilfred Owen

Chelsea 1-0 Vidi
Game 2 Group Stage Europa League

Thursday 4 October 2018

A match in which we had great possession, but wasted more chances on goal than my ten-month-old grandson wastes the breadsticks he throws from his highchair. Oh, and Álvaro Morata spared our blushes.

What splendid goals for those who’re loaned as cattle?
Only the monstrous outrage of the fans
Which is seen all over Twitter as we battle.
And people say we have no long-term plans.

No accolades for them, no hero status
Until they’re sold to rivals for a song.
And that, claim some, is why the media hates us
And want it all for Chelsea to go wrong.

What memories do we hold of those who’ve played here
And now score goals in red, sky blue, or black?
And should the world be glad they didn’t stay here
And laugh as Roman bids to buy them back?

© Carol Ann Wood
October 2017


This poem is part of the collection Bewitched, Bothered & Bewildered:
The poetic ramblings of a die-hard Chelsea supporter during the head-scratching 2018-19 reign of Maurizio Sarri
.

Click here to learn more. Click here to order in paperback or Kindle editions.


Links:
My bespoke poetry service, Diverse Verse
About the author
Contact the author, or follow this blog
Follow Carol Ann Wood on Twitter
NOT Just Saying: Carol’s comments on feminism, fashion, food and folly
Only in Erinsborough Carol Ann’s fun look at the lives and loves of the characters from the Australian soapNeighbours


Index of Posts:


Please note that any advertisements which appear associated with these posts are placed there by a WordPress algorithm. They are not indicative of any endorsement by the author.


If Carlsberg Did Birthdays

Chelsea 1-1 Liverpool

A match in which all players excelled, and which we probably should have won, were it not for the annoyingly excellent equalising goal of an ex-Blue. Nevertheless, a game packed with skill and a day which ended in such personal joy.

Saturday 29 September 2018

If Carlsberg did birthdays, they’d do it this way:
A trip to the Bridge on a fine Saturday,

A pretty good game even though we conceded,
But defence in fine fettle was just what we needed.

And afterwards, heading to Babbo to dine,
An evening with friends, some nice food and fine wine.

Then came a surprise that was better than best.
Our Geezer turned up and I truly felt blessed!

To celebrate with me he’d given his time,
And this made my birthday unique and sublime.

I thought I was dreaming, but no, it was true!
The Man Of The Match, and his gorgeous Brubru

Were sitting beside me on a night I will treasure,
Their kindness is something I can’t even measure.

Now, players can sometimes get negative press,
And so this occasion was a time to redress

And show the whole world how a player should be.
My own Carlsberg birthday Luiz gave to me.

© Carol Ann Wood
October 2018


This poem is part of the collection Bewitched, Bothered & Bewildered:
The poetic ramblings of a die-hard Chelsea supporter during the head-scratching 2018-19 reign of Maurizio Sarri
.

Click here to learn more. Click here to order in paperback or Kindle editions.


Links:
My bespoke poetry service, Diverse Verse
About the author
Contact the author, or follow this blog
Follow Carol Ann Wood on Twitter
NOT Just Saying: Carol’s comments on feminism, fashion, food and folly
Only in Erinsborough Carol Ann’s fun look at the lives and loves of the characters from the Australian soapNeighbours


Index of Posts:


Please note that any advertisements which appear associated with these posts are placed there by a WordPress algorithm. They are not indicative of any endorsement by the author.


An (Extra)ordinary Boy

Chelsea 4 – 1 Cardiff City

A match in which Eden Hazard scored a superb hat-trick, I filmed a penalty for only the second time in my 48 years of support, and Cardiff City players continually sustained mysterious injuries every time a man in blue exhaled near them.

He drives a classic mini,
Like an ordinary guy.
He doesn’t need to flash his cash,
He’s gracious, sweet and shy.

He played the game at breakneck speed
Then went to Eurostar.
But his train had also sped away,
So N’Golo thought ‘Aha!

I’ll go and find a mosque to pray
And give thanks for my joy.’
And in that mosque he made new friends.
Like an ordinary boy.

And while the fans around the land
Were tuned to BBC
With a curry, Lineker and co,
On an ordinary settee,

N’golo did the very same
With the friends that he had met.
A moment they could not have dreamt,
And one they won’t forget.

A flashback to a bygone age
When footballers we knew,
Mixed with the fans who watched them play,
In a street and a house, near you.

It happened with no forward plan,
Like a pure, refreshing story.
There was no aim for instant fame,
No quest for Insta glory.

But just a tale to warm the heart,
No boasts, no gloats, no ploy.
The day N’Golo showed us
He’s an ordinary boy.

© Carol Ann Wood
September 2018


This poem is part of the collection Bewitched, Bothered & Bewildered:
The poetic ramblings of a die-hard Chelsea supporter during the head-scratching 2018-19 reign of Maurizio Sarri
.

Click here to learn more. Click here to order in paperback or Kindle editions.


Links:
My bespoke poetry service, Diverse Verse
About the author
Contact the author, or follow this blog
Follow Carol Ann Wood on Twitter
NOT Just Saying: Carol’s comments on feminism, fashion, food and folly
Only in Erinsborough Carol Ann’s fun look at the lives and loves of the characters from the Australian soapNeighbours


Index of Posts:


Please note that any advertisements which appear associated with these posts are placed there by a WordPress algorithm. They are not indicative of any endorsement by the author.


Mummy’s Precious Prat

Newcastle United 1 – 2 Chelsea

Sunday, 26 August 2018
A game I wasn’t able to attend; one in which David Luiz made an error, leading to a Newcastle equaliser, and for which he received vitriolic and unwarranted abuse from a small section of our ‘supporters’, including one man who regularly makes himself look like a prat on Twitter, and has a following of like-minded prats.

Everything must be perfect,
In your perfect, keyboard life.
Your club must not offend you,
Nor cause you grief and strife.

You are an angry, raging man
And you have to let it out.
I can see you as a toddler now,
As you rant and scream and shout.

I can see you as a schoolboy,
When you didn’t get your way.
I see you in the playground,
As you bullied through your day.

I see you in the classroom,
Blaming others on the sly.
And I bet your teachers saw the man
And it probably made them cry.

Some kids you just can’t straighten out
And their anger keeps on growing.
You were that boy, there is no doubt,
Your venom’s sadly showing.

It’s one thing to debate a game,
To call out our defenders.
But do you have to bawl and gob
Like a Mitchell in Eastenders?

Do you really hate on someone
That you’ve probably never met?
Your narcissistic videos
Make you feel so big, I bet.

But really, all you are is small,
And sad and oh-so bitter.
Try being a real man little boy,
Mummy’s Precious Prat of Twitter.

© Carol Ann Wood

An updated version of this poem is part of the collection Bewitched, Bothered & Bewildered:
The poetic ramblings of a die-hard Chelsea supporter during the head-scratching 2018-19 reign of Maurizio Sarri
.

Click here to learn more. Click here to order in paperback or Kindle editions.



Links:
My bespoke poetry service, Diverse Verse
About the author
Contact the author, or follow this blog
Follow Carol Ann Wood on Twitter
NOT Just Saying: Carol’s comments on feminism, fashion, food and folly
Only in Erinsborough Carol Ann’s fun look at the lives and loves of the characters from the Australian soapNeighbours


Index of Posts:


Please note that any advertisements which appear associated with these posts are placed there by a WordPress algorithm. They are not indicative of any endorsement by the author.