Bewitched, Bothered & Bewildered

The poetic ramblings of a die-hard Chelsea supporter
during the head-scratching 2018-19 reign of Maurizio Sarri
.
Image of book cover of The poetic ramblings of a die-hard Chelsea supporter during the head-scratching 2018-19 reign of Maurizio Sarri.
All True Blues will know exactly where they are from this photo…

Click to order.


I had intended to make this an exact sequel to my first Chelsea poetry collection, Rhyme & Treason, (2015/16) producing a poem for every game of the season. However, as 2018-19 progressed, I could see that this was possibly over-ambitious. This time round, we had European football, and also made it to the Carabao Cup Final. So, in Bewitched, Bothered & Bewildered, you will see a poem for every league game, plus a selection of cup games, and a few musings on topical issues in between.

It’s arguably been the strangest season in my 48 years of support. Some will still claim that, despite the bad defeats, we can count it as a moderate success. A third place finish and a Europa League trophy is more than some club’s fans can ever dream of. The strangeness, though, mostly came from social media. How did Maurizio Sarri amass a cult following who continually attacked match-going fans on Twitter and accused them all of being ‘alcoholic yer dars’? (Say, what?) And, ultimately, they blamed us for Sarri’s departure – the first manager to leave of his own volition since Glenn Hoddle. I can only hope they move on to Juventus with him, because they won’t be missed!

As with Rhyme & Treason, fellow fans will identify with my verse. You might not share all my views. But real football supporters understand that you don’t have to agree on everything to identify with the raw emotion of following your club.

Often bothered, sometimes bewildered. But, always bewitched.

From independent publisher, Gate17, Bewitched, Bothered & Bewildered is available in paperback and Kindle editions. Click to order.

Bewitched, Bothered & Bewildered is also available on the CFCUK stall, opposite the Fulham Broadway tube station exit.


If you enjoy Bewitched, Bothered & Bewildered, why not recall the roller-coaster ride which was the 2015-2016 season in Rhyme and Treason: Chelsea 2015-2016 a season in verse.

Click here to learn more about Rhyme and Treason. Click here to order in paperback or Kindle editions.


Links:
My bespoke poetry service, Diverse Verse
About the author
Contact the author, or follow this blog
Follow Carol Ann Wood on Twitter
NOT Just Saying: Carol’s comments on feminism, fashion, food and folly
Only in Erinsborough Carol Ann’s fun look at the lives and loves of the characters from the Australian soapNeighbours


Index of Posts:


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Georgie Porgie

Georgie Porgie, my oh my.
Dissed the birds to make them cry.
Thinks he’s smart and thinks he’s witty.
Posts a lot of arse and titty.

See him have a laugh on Twitter.
If you don’t like it, you’re just bitter.
For he is the king of spiel,
Gives no fucks, girls, how you feel.

Georgie Porgie, what a guy,
Disses birds to make them cry.
Says it’s banter, no harm done.
Just a nice bloke having fun.

Cos everybody knows it’s cool
Subjecting birds to ridicule.
It’s not his fault they might object.
Well, they’re birds, mate, what can you expect!

Georgie Porgie, sweet as pie,
Disses birds to make them cry,
But loves the ones who laugh along.
So he feels, powerful, big and strong.

Well, Georgie, mate, I will not play.
And no, it’s Fucking Not Okay.
So piss right off, you first class runt.
If I liked you more, I’d call you cunt.

Your words have power, but mine do too
I’d watch my back if I were you.
Georgie Porgie, you I thank,
You pathetic nasty piece of wank.

As a poet of the spoken word,
I have a voice that’s widely heard.
So come and see, when I next perform.
Misogynists’ poems go down a storm.

You thought I was some mad old gran.
Well, think again you sad, weak man.
Now run along, Wee Willy Winkie,
Never try and pick on Pinky!

© Carol Ann Wood
June 2019


Links:
My bespoke poetry service, Diverse Verse
About the author
Contact the author, or follow this blog
Follow Carol Ann Wood on Twitter
NOT Just Saying: Carol’s comments on feminism, fashion, food and folly
Only in Erinsborough Carol Ann’s fun look at the lives and loves of the characters from the Australian soapNeighbours


Index of Posts:


Please note that any advertisements which appear associated with these posts are placed there by a WordPress algorithm. They are not indicative of any endorsement by the author.


Anthem For Doomed Yoof

With sincere apologies to Wilfred Owen

Chelsea 1-0 Vidi
Game 2 Group Stage Europa League

Thursday 4 October 2018

A match in which we had great possession, but wasted more chances on goal than my ten-month-old grandson wastes the breadsticks he throws from his highchair. Oh, and Álvaro Morata spared our blushes.

What splendid goals for those who’re loaned as cattle?
Only the monstrous outrage of the fans
Which is seen all over Twitter as we battle.
And people say we have no long-term plans.

No accolades for them, no hero status
Until they’re sold to rivals for a song.
And that, claim some, is why the media hates us
And want it all for Chelsea to go wrong.

What memories do we hold of those who’ve played here
And now score goals in red, sky blue, or black?
And should the world be glad they didn’t stay here
And laugh as Roman bids to buy them back?

© Carol Ann Wood
October 2017


This poem is part of the collection Bewitched, Bothered & Bewildered:
The poetic ramblings of a die-hard Chelsea supporter during the head-scratching 2018-19 reign of Maurizio Sarri
.

Click here to learn more. Click here to order in paperback or Kindle editions.


Links:
My bespoke poetry service, Diverse Verse
About the author
Contact the author, or follow this blog
Follow Carol Ann Wood on Twitter
NOT Just Saying: Carol’s comments on feminism, fashion, food and folly
Only in Erinsborough Carol Ann’s fun look at the lives and loves of the characters from the Australian soapNeighbours


Index of Posts:


Please note that any advertisements which appear associated with these posts are placed there by a WordPress algorithm. They are not indicative of any endorsement by the author.


If Carlsberg Did Birthdays

Chelsea 1-1 Liverpool

A match in which all players excelled, and which we probably should have won, were it not for the annoyingly excellent equalising goal of an ex-Blue. Nevertheless, a game packed with skill and a day which ended in such personal joy.

Saturday 29 September 2018

If Carlsberg did birthdays, they’d do it this way:
A trip to the Bridge on a fine Saturday,

A pretty good game even though we conceded,
But defence in fine fettle was just what we needed.

And afterwards, heading to Babbo to dine,
An evening with friends, some nice food and fine wine.

Then came a surprise that was better than best.
Our Geezer turned up and I truly felt blessed!

To celebrate with me he’d given his time,
And this made my birthday unique and sublime.

I thought I was dreaming, but no, it was true!
The Man Of The Match, and his gorgeous Brubru

Were sitting beside me on a night I will treasure,
Their kindness is something I can’t even measure.

Now, players can sometimes get negative press,
And so this occasion was a time to redress

And show the whole world how a player should be.
My own Carlsberg birthday Luiz gave to me.

© Carol Ann Wood
October 2018


This poem is part of the collection Bewitched, Bothered & Bewildered:
The poetic ramblings of a die-hard Chelsea supporter during the head-scratching 2018-19 reign of Maurizio Sarri
.

Click here to learn more. Click here to order in paperback or Kindle editions.


Links:
My bespoke poetry service, Diverse Verse
About the author
Contact the author, or follow this blog
Follow Carol Ann Wood on Twitter
NOT Just Saying: Carol’s comments on feminism, fashion, food and folly
Only in Erinsborough Carol Ann’s fun look at the lives and loves of the characters from the Australian soapNeighbours


Index of Posts:


Please note that any advertisements which appear associated with these posts are placed there by a WordPress algorithm. They are not indicative of any endorsement by the author.


An (Extra)ordinary Boy

Chelsea 4 – 1 Cardiff City

A match in which Eden Hazard scored a superb hat-trick, I filmed a penalty for only the second time in my 48 years of support, and Cardiff City players continually sustained mysterious injuries every time a man in blue exhaled near them.

He drives a classic mini,
Like an ordinary guy.
He doesn’t need to flash his cash,
He’s gracious, sweet and shy.

He played the game at breakneck speed
Then went to Eurostar.
But his train had also sped away,
So N’Golo thought ‘Aha!

I’ll go and find a mosque to pray
And give thanks for my joy.’
And in that mosque he made new friends.
Like an ordinary boy.

And while the fans around the land
Were tuned to BBC
With a curry, Lineker and co,
On an ordinary settee,

N’golo did the very same
With the friends that he had met.
A moment they could not have dreamt,
And one they won’t forget.

A flashback to a bygone age
When footballers we knew,
Mixed with the fans who watched them play,
In a street and a house, near you.

It happened with no forward plan,
Like a pure, refreshing story.
There was no aim for instant fame,
No quest for Insta glory.

But just a tale to warm the heart,
No boasts, no gloats, no ploy.
The day N’Golo showed us
He’s an ordinary boy.

© Carol Ann Wood
September 2018


This poem is part of the collection Bewitched, Bothered & Bewildered:
The poetic ramblings of a die-hard Chelsea supporter during the head-scratching 2018-19 reign of Maurizio Sarri
.

Click here to learn more. Click here to order in paperback or Kindle editions.


Links:
My bespoke poetry service, Diverse Verse
About the author
Contact the author, or follow this blog
Follow Carol Ann Wood on Twitter
NOT Just Saying: Carol’s comments on feminism, fashion, food and folly
Only in Erinsborough Carol Ann’s fun look at the lives and loves of the characters from the Australian soapNeighbours


Index of Posts:


Please note that any advertisements which appear associated with these posts are placed there by a WordPress algorithm. They are not indicative of any endorsement by the author.


Mummy’s Precious Prat

Newcastle United 1 – 2 Chelsea

Sunday, 26 August 2018
A game I wasn’t able to attend; one in which David Luiz made an error, leading to a Newcastle equaliser, and for which he received vitriolic and unwarranted abuse from a small section of our ‘supporters’, including one man who regularly makes himself look like a prat on Twitter, and has a following of like-minded prats.

Everything must be perfect,
In your perfect, keyboard life.
Your club must not offend you,
Nor cause you grief and strife.

You are an angry, raging man
And you have to let it out.
I can see you as a toddler now,
As you rant and scream and shout.

I can see you as a schoolboy,
When you didn’t get your way.
I see you in the playground,
As you bullied through your day.

I see you in the classroom,
Blaming others on the sly.
And I bet your teachers saw the man
And it probably made them cry.

Some kids you just can’t straighten out
And their anger keeps on growing.
You were that boy, there is no doubt,
Your venom’s sadly showing.

It’s one thing to debate a game,
To call out our defenders.
But do you have to bawl and gob
Like a Mitchell in Eastenders?

Do you really hate on someone
That you’ve probably never met?
Your narcissistic videos
Make you feel so big, I bet.

But really, all you are is small,
And sad and oh-so bitter.
Try being a real man little boy,
Mummy’s Precious Prat of Twitter.

© Carol Ann Wood

An updated version of this poem is part of the collection Bewitched, Bothered & Bewildered:
The poetic ramblings of a die-hard Chelsea supporter during the head-scratching 2018-19 reign of Maurizio Sarri
.

Click here to learn more. Click here to order in paperback or Kindle editions.



Links:
My bespoke poetry service, Diverse Verse
About the author
Contact the author, or follow this blog
Follow Carol Ann Wood on Twitter
NOT Just Saying: Carol’s comments on feminism, fashion, food and folly
Only in Erinsborough Carol Ann’s fun look at the lives and loves of the characters from the Australian soapNeighbours


Index of Posts:


Please note that any advertisements which appear associated with these posts are placed there by a WordPress algorithm. They are not indicative of any endorsement by the author.


Don’t Be A Wannabeeeeeee

I’m going to write about something that I have put off for most of the 2017-18 football season. It’s not about the club’s hierarchy, or the largely disappointing results. Others have blogged about this throughout the campaign and have analysed it much better than I could. The season is over. The club is in a confused state (or at least, the supporters are) but we won a trophy and it’s something that eluded Tottenham. Again. So it wasn’t all bad!

Last season, some of my favourite football moments came outside of watching the games. I’m by no means the only supporter to have met their favourite footballer, to get to know him and his family a little, and to enjoy socialising with them. (All, I might add, by invitation, not by being pushy.) Maybe not everyone gets invited to their favourite footballer’s birthday party though, and I admit that it was a delightful surprise to me when I was invited to David’s birthday bash in April.

I had already been on the receiving end of sarcastic, bitter, and sometimes downright nasty comments after socialising with David’s family. Some comments were posted directly to me on social media underneath the photos I’d shared. Other remarks got back to me via friends. After I’d attended the birthday party, the meltdown started big time. Some of it is to be expected. David has many fans world wide, not least because of his charming and infectious personality, and the way that he engages with everyone he meets. Plenty of these worldwide fans can only ever dream of meeting him. Therefore, I fully anticipated the flood of messages asking me ‘can you please tell David I love him’ and ‘how can I get to meet him’ etc etc. Some of these fans are very young. I wanted to marry Peter Bonetti. But I was only twelve and you know, you grow up.

What I hadn’t bargained for was the bitterness and jealousy of some adults old enough to know better. A few of them have also had photographs taken with players, David included. But a section of them were put out that I should be invited to a private party when surely, they believed, they were more entitled. I was sent a childish rant by one fan who was incensed that I was at the party. He had been to PSG to see David during his time there, he said. And because I hadn’t done so, he declared himself more worthy of an invite. And, I was told, he had been a fan of the player for longer than me. Really? Why is that important anyway? Besides which, I was a massive fan of David in his first spell at Chelsea, but I had a great deal going on in my personal life during that time. Such as working, studying for a full time Master’s Degree, and undergoing a major abdominal operation. All of this necessitated me missing some matches. I was also in a great deal of pain prior to the operation, so I couldn’t hang around to ‘catch a glimpse of David’ after the games I did manage to attend.

In addition to the negative comments, I’ve experienced copy-cat behaviour. The copy cats have wrongly assumed that if they try to write, dress and behave identically to me, they’ll get noticed. Another person who attended David’s party has also been on the receiving end of it. It’s called trying too hard. It’s called attention-seeking. It’s called being needy. It’s called not having a personality of your own. We are all inspired by other people, other things, but simply emulating someone else’s life and posting photos of it on Instagram, that’s a little desperate, no? Exaggerating your experiences, and even lying about things to make others jealous, surely points towards undiagnosed mental health issues. I’m no expert, but I think it’s fair to say some people use social media as an emotional crutch. Maybe they are unable to seek appropriate help, or simply don’t recognise that they have a problem. I am sorry for people in such positions, but I’m not going to let them bully me. Just because they have had bad experiences – and they’re not alone – does not give them the right to use and abuse others.

I am an open person. I don’t pretend to be someone I’m not. I just don’t follow the crowd, and I never have. Because of this, I tend to stick out a bit, especially for the way I dress. But I have always believed everyone should be as creative as they like, and not conform to socially constructed narratives. In other words, if it isn’t hurting anyone else, then it’s largely okay. And I would hope that my presence on social media is a true and fair representation of my actual life. I do silly things, I have hair-brained moments, and I share them. I don’t think I’m better than anyone else, just different.

Many of the Instagram accounts belonging to wannabes only display perfect photos and status updates. Look at me, look at me, they scream, I want attention. If they have no perfect things happening, they sometimes exaggerate or invent them in order to get that attention. Often with a cryptic post. If they’re ignored, they’ll try again. And so-on. A friend remarked the other day on how, if she doesn’t immediately respond to a follower’s 1-1 message, they will send another message with a row of question marks. How dare she have a life outside social media!

None of these negative experiences, however, have put me off doing what I enjoy, nor will they stop me from being myself. That’s not to say that it doesn’t hurt, but I’ve been through much worse. I have nothing to feel bad or guilty about. I am happy for other supporters if they meet their favourite players, and if they go to organised events where they get a chance to socialise with them, that’s great. But I am not up for competition, jealousy, spitefulness or lies. That’s for the wannabes to fight about amongst themselves. Include me out.

© Carol Ann Wood
June 2018


Links:
My bespoke poetry service, Diverse Verse
About the author
Contact the author, or follow this blog
Follow Carol Ann Wood on Twitter
NOT Just Saying: Carol’s comments on feminism, fashion, food and folly
Only in Erinsborough Carol Ann’s fun look at the lives and loves of the characters from the Australian soapNeighbours


Index of Posts:


Please note that any advertisements which appear associated with these posts are placed there by a WordPress algorithm. They are not indicative of any endorsement by the author.